Just re-read Fahrenheit 451. Interesting tidbit I learned from the intro: first publication of the full novel was published in the very first 3 episodes of Playboy Magazine in 1953-54, the first publication rights purchased by Hugh Hefner for the not-so-princely sum of $450.00. This was a brilliant move by Hefner because the story is about censorship; something Playboy was certainly risking with its risque theme, and also because the 30 yr old protagonist falls in love with a 17 year old girl at the beginning of the tale (its an altruistic love, nothing sinful — though certainly to be considered weird by mainstream society).

So many terrific quotes in this book its almost worth re-reading again with a pencil and notebook in hand, but I particularly like this one:

Remember, the firemen are rarely necessary. The public itself stopped reading of its own accord. You firemen provide a circus show now and then at which buildings are set off and crowds gather for the pretty blaze, but it’s a small sideshow indeed, and hardly necessary to keep things in line. So few want to be rebels anymore. And out of those few, most, like myself, scare easily. Can you dance faster than the White Clown, shout louder than ‘Mr. Gimmick’ and the parlor ‘families’? If you can, you’ll win your way, Montag. In any event, you’re a fool. People are having fun.

A couple of stories this past week highlight a troubling new trend in the United States: Cops using tasers on kids. I’m not talking teenagers, either. I am talking about two ten year olds, both tasered for behaving unruly in the presence of sheriff’s deputies. You’d think we could have a consensus that this is clearly an abuse of force — but no, in both cases the use of force was deemed to be justifiable by the Police Departments in question. I think a Citizen’s Review Board would find differently.

In the first case we have a ten year old girl in Ozark, Arkansas who refused to take a shower before her bedtime. Inexcusably, her mother resorted to dialing 911 instead of finding her own solution to deal with this common bedtime problem. Kids hate going to bed and they hate taking showers, we all know this. Calling the police to solve this domestic conflict is horrible parenting, but it is something citizens are being conditioned to do nowadays because the Nanny State tells us not to spank our kids or even yell at them when they misbehave, under threat of removing your children from your care. What’s a frustrated parent to do?

Officer Bradshaw stated in the report that he “decided there was not going to be a peaceful resolution to the issue,” and told the girl she was under arrest. After receiving permission from the girl’s mother to use their Taser, the girl continued to resist the officers, Bradshaw gave the girl a light shock to her back. She immediately stopped fighting, and was carried out to the officer’s patrol car. Eventually she would be transported to a Youth Shelter where she can continue her education of how the state treats its stubborn citizens who do not submit unquestioningly to authority.

It may make you feel better to know that Officer Bradshaw was subsequently relieved of his duties. However the reason wasn’t because he used the taser on a defenseless unarmed ten year old girl. “The policy that Officer Bradshaw failed to obey is failure to have his camera placed on his Taser,” Chief Jim Noggle wrote. So those of you in Ozark can rest easy knowing that the next time the cops taser your children they will probably take some photos of the incident.

Next up is Pueblo, Colorado where a ten year old boy supposedly “threatened deputies with a pipe and a stick, and threw a piece of wood at them.” Naturally they proceeded to shock the youth with a taser and take him into custody under suspicion of menacing with a deadly weapon. This time no one will likely be fired. Capt. Jeff Teschner says that the deputies involved were justified in their use of force.

It’s clear to me that we have a major shortage of real dangerous thugs and criminals in this country. They’ve become near extinct, apparently, and now police have no choice but to turn their highly honed law enforcement skills and cat-like reflexes on the would-be criminals of tomorrow. One has to wonder what the civilian response will be when one of these children is killed by a taser shock and the blame is ultimately placed on the victim.

I like it when cops get killed… you know why? Because I am a sporting man. Cops: 175 Bad Guys: Nothing — that just doesn’t have a good ring to it. When the newsman tells me a robbery suspect was perforated 47 times and he didn’t even get the chance to squeeze off a single shot, that is just downright boring and not worthy of my attention.

When one team is getting slaughtered by the other, what do we do gang? That’s right we turn the channel. There’s no uncertainty in the air, the ending is a foregone conclusion. But a close game, ho ho, that is just the opposite. You call your friends and ask excitedly if they’re watching too. If its really close maybe it will go to overtime. Sometimes they even call it sudden death! You run over to the fridge and get yourself a beer, barely taking your eyes off the tv cause you need some icy refreshment but you sure as hell don’t want to miss the next great play!

So yea I am not ashamed to admit it. When a cop gets killed its a good thing. It really is. No one likes a blow out except the guys doing the blowing out. But I am not a cop. I could give a crap whether they kick ass or not. We’re the ones paying their salaries yet what do we get if they win? A society absent of crime? Never gonna happen! They are still going to give us a ticket if we go 3 miles over the speed limit, right? And its not like they don’t have replacements if one of their players goes down. There’s a hundred thousand douche bags training in police academies all across the land just waiting for their opportunity to join the ranks. The minor league system is brimming with eager young talent.

I need some [expletive] incentive if I am going to root for them and hope for a blowout. Like give me some free stuff. If they kill these bad guys and then raffle off all their belongings to the law abiding public, well maybe that is something I could get behind. Now these blowouts won’t be so boring, I have something to look forward to. But Christ its just the opposite right now. When a drug dealer gets busted who gets to keep all of his crap? The cops! It pisses me off, to be honest with you. I have a much better chance of getting some good [expletive] if the bad guys win. Why? What happens when a really dangerous villian can’t be found? That’s right they offer a reward! Hey hey, now we’re talking my kind of game! I have a chance to win a big cash prize! Maybe I just saw this dangerous [expletive] at the local supermarket. The more cops he caps the higher the cash prize. Who am I going to root for here, you tell me?

[Some audience members boo in protest and a couple shout something incomprehensible] Hey, hey, simmer down fellas I am just talking honestly here. If that makes me an [expletive] well than so be it go [expletive] yourself you lying hypocrites. You know you like it when cops get killed. Now you’ve got something to talk about at the water cooler tomorrow. This is why you feel smug as you drive thru town with the windows rolled up staring out at the poor bastards waiting for public transportation in the war zone. You can congratulate yourself for voting for that shmuck that promised to build more prisons and throw away the keys.

[ fictional comedy sketch written by Aaron Bradley - Copyright 2009 rebellionbrewery.com ]